How Your Marriage is Like the Death Star

Your marriage is like the Death Star. Oh, I don’t mean it’s a large instrument of destruction and devastation. It’s something else. See if you can spot it in this clip.

Did you see it? Perhaps this quote by Plato will help:

The life of the nation is the life of the family written large. —Plato

Still stumped? The foundation of a nation is the family, and the foundation of the family is the marriage. If you can destroy marriage, you have begun a chain reaction that will dissolve the family, and eventually, the nation.

The key word is vulnerability.

Here’s how your marriage is like the Death Star—and more importantly, how you can protect it from what makes it vulnerable.

Impregnable and yet Vulnerable

The Star Wars Death Star is only a movie. But I’m convinced it’s one of the best metaphors for marriage because while it may seem impenetrable—it has a point of vulnerability that will blow the whole thing to bits. That starts a chain reaction:

• The marriage goes
• The family goes
• The nation goes

I was surprised to see that this week is “National Marriage Week” and that this video interview said: “Goal: Stronger Marriages Make a Stronger Country.”

If the basis of the nation is family, and the basis of family is marriage, then what’s the basis of marriage?

How Jesus Defined Marriage

In a day when the simple definition of marriage is debated, it’s helpful to remember what Jesus said about it:

Have you not read, that He who created them from the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh’?  Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate. —Matthew 19:4-6

When questioned on marriage, Jesus doesn’t appeal to “traditional” marriage. There was no tradition at creation. God’s creation reveals God’s intention. Jesus reiterated what God intended marriage to be:

• Male and female
• Separate from parents
• Committed to one another
• God unites two to become one—for life

Now, if we toss out the Bible, anything goes. I could marry an oak tree if I wanted to. No rules means no barriers. Anything can be called “marriage.” However it’s interesting to note that if all of humanity abandoned “traditional” marriage, the human race would cease to exist in a mere generation.

But for those who believe the Bible, God’s creation reveals God’s intention.

Because of our fallen nature, the marriage relationship is capable of bringing out the best—and the worst—in each of us. So what keeps a marriage from exploding into space?

(Photo by Rochafotografiacolombia. Own work. CC-BY-SA-3.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

What Keeps Your Marriage from Exploding

The most vulnerable part of a nation and a family is boiled down to one word. God said:

She is your companion and your wife by covenant. —Malachi 2:14

A covenant is the foundation of marriage. For example, even though Joseph kept Mary a virgin “until” after Jesus’ birth, the couple was still considered married. The covenant is the glue of a marriage (Matthew 1:24-25).

• A covenant isn’t a contract where each person pulls 50/50. Someone will always feel he or she is doing more than his or her fair share.
• A covenant is a commitment each partner makes to do 100%. An unconditional covenant has no conditions.

Even God’s covenants with His people are described in marital language:

• Ancient Israel is described at times as the unfaithful wife whom God loves unconditionally (Ezekiel 6:9).
• The church is described as the bride of Christ (Revelation 21:9).

3 Ways to Guard that Vulnerable Place

Each relationship has its vulnerability. You can help guard your marriage in 3 ways:

1. Reaffirm your commitment to your spouse. True love has very little to do with your emotions. It has everything to do with your will. Those vows you made years ago were for life. Can you quote them still? Do that to your spouse.
2. Let each wedding you attend remind you of your own vows. Look beyond the naiveté of the couple getting married to the words and Scriptures they’re saying. God is at work before your eyes to remind you of your own vows.
3. If your commitment is in a place of concern, get some professional encouragement. Just as you would get assistance from an MD with a physical need, much more so should you get assistance from a Christian counselor with a relational need. You’ll spend twice as much in money and pride when the marriage dissolves than you ever will in solving the problem God’s way.

The most vulnerable—and therefore, the most important—relationship in the family is the marriage. And marriage is only as strong as its commitment.

Guard it well. It needn’t explode.

Tell me what you think: How do you guard your vulnerability? To leave a comment, just click here.