scary close

Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy (Thomas Nelson, 2015)

Don Miller’s new book, Scary Close, follows his journey from singlehood to marriage—but really, from isolation to growing intimacy.

He describes the book’s purpose this way:

There’s truth in the idea we’re never going to be perfect in love but we can get close. And the closer we get, the healthier we will be. Love is not a game any of us can win, it’s just a story we can live and enjoy. (Page 255)

The chapter on “Five Kinds of Manipulators” was wonderful. It made me want to read Safe People by Cloud and Townsend. The best chapter is “You will not complete me.” So good to see affirmed that even a great spouse makes a lousy God. Only God completes us. Well said.

Here are a couple of quotes I loved:

It’s a beautiful moment when somebody wakes up to this reality, when they realize God created them so other people could enjoy them, not just endure them. (Page 127)

[God give kids] to us for the same reason he confused language at the Tower of Babel, to create chaos and deter us from investing too much energy in the gluttonous idols of self-absorption. (Page 90)

Kudos to Don for sharing his life with us. His book traces his personal path of growth in areas of faith, marriage, writing, and family, and especially, intimacy. It’s rare to find a writer so introspective and honest. The hitch feels like sometimes we’re reading his journal, with a line or two here and there that connects these stories to the reader. Not a huge drawback, but at times it felt a bit lopsided.

One omission felt larger. In a world that has the intimacy cart before the horse, it would have been great to hear Don affirm the necessary paradox of how sexual purity before marriage actually adds to the intimacy after marriage.

Don’s books are Don’s journals. So far we have books about his faith journey. Now the marriage book. My guess we’ll see one on parenting soon. For now, Scary Close has a good message.

Intimacy is worth the risk.

Tell me what you think: Have you read his book? To leave a comment, just click here.

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